He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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