After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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