i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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