i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
