I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
