pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
