Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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