Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize