i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
