Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
