we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Randomize