look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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