oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
