He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
