Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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