Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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