Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
