i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
