your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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