I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
