You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
