Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
