It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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