He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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