I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
