So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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