It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
