Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
