I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I could fuck to npr.
pray to the hookup gods
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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