my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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