The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
