There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
