Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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