I wish my penis had an off switch
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Randomize
