I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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