Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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