her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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