Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize