The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
