it wasn't lemon gatorade
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
