i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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