Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
