I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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