At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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