My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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