Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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