Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
