You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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