Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
