And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You ruined the universe
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
