So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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