I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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