moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize