he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just cut my nipple shaving
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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