I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
