did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
