Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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