if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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