I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
