Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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