she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
