hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
