he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
