Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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