I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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