Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
