but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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