He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
