We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
