New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
