Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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