He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
