She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
