If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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