Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
