Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
