Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
