I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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