There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
