i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
