so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had to cum in my sink.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
