hotel room ftw
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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