I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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